For most of my life, I was labeled the "shy girl" and embodied this label even though I didn't feel it was accurate. Shy is a funny word, often given a negative connotation, but what allowed me grow into my genuine self was realizing that shy could also mean sensitive, intuitive, reflective, a good listener, or a focused observer. I learned that it's heathy to reflect, but harmful to repress. Although I embrace my inwardness, I am mindful of when I quiet myself out of fear, doubt, or judgment and make the intention of creatively expressing myself. Every. Single. Day!
My healing journey has been a long process and is constantly evolving and adapting. Most of my profound transformation has occurred within the past year. Recently, I discovered that healing begins through acceptance instead strict discipline; through curiosity instead of judgment, and through expression instead of repression. Some challenges I have been exploring and working through include: PCOS, hypothyroidism (lack of energy, lack of motaivation, weight gain), emotional and binge eating, and repression of my creative, feminine, wild self!
Now...I am at a transformative part of my life. Instead of waking up with hesitation and sleepiness, I wake up feeling grateful that I’ve been given another day. Instead of staying indoors feeling guilty about not going outside, I take a walk in nature everyday and don’t want my outside time to end. Instead of becoming the victim of the “You’re not good enough voice” I gently welcome this voice, but realize it is not who I am and watch it dissolve. Instead of gobbling down my food, I consciously take a moment to breath before I eat, thinking about all of the sunshine, rain, nurturing, and care that when into bringing this food in front of me. Instead of thinking that my ideas aren’t creative enough or interesting enough, I write down my ideas, I compose songs, I create art and am excited to share it with others! Not everyday is full of happiness, rainbows, and unicorns, but that’s what is wonderful because I even appreciate the dark times and see their own unique beauty, vulnerability, and potential. Sometimes I'm lazy, overcommit, eat one too many (or four too many!) cookies, have negative self talk, fear, and doubt...the difference is, now I even accept this part of me, as well. I am human, you are human, we are all humans (excepts the plants, animals, and inanimate objects)! We are always growing, evolving, learning, relearning, spiraling, expanding, contracting...this is what makes us beautiful!